Motherhood

Motherhood.

That's my journey in life right now. As so many mothers have said before me, it is the hardest yet most rewarding JOB. A never-ending job. Sometimes I don't think I was cut out for this job. In fact, I didn't really ask for it. It just happened to me, and I happily accepted the challenge. I try to be the best mom for the girls, but I find that I seriously lack in some areas. Like patience. WHERE CAN I BUY THIS STUFF? It must have a pretty hefty price tag. Or like calmly using discipline to mold your children into wonderful little people. Maybe that comes with patience. Sometimes I go to bed feeling like maybe I yelled too much today, I will try better tomorrow. And the next day, I wake up feeling confident about the day, until two hours in Amelia's laying on the floor losing her little mind over clothes. CLOTHES. I'm about ready to ship her off to a nudist colony.

Your whole life changes when you become mom. Your marriage, friendships, hygiene, priorities, memory function. Oh and let's not forget about your precious, young, THIN, unmarked body. It all changes.

It gets pretty lonely, because you just can't meet your social needs from conversations with toddlers. Thank goodness its 2014 and I have all of my friends just a iMessage away. A "Hey guys, I'm losing my ever loving mind over here" text sparks a conversation where my friends pull me out of my funk. They laugh because I guess to an outsider it's funny, and tell me how much they love my kids. They tell me how happy them make them. And then just like that I feel better again. I feel picked up by my friends. I feel more connected. More power to those moms that survived motherhood before iPhones. My hat's off to ya.

And motherhood is scary. DEAR GOD, is it scary. You have these babies and your heart now lives outside of your body. You send them out into this big, scary world. Things happen before you are ready for them. There is a little girl in Amelia's class, and almost daily the two of them beg her mom and I to let them have a spend the night party. And we just nervously laugh and say things like "one day", but one day that mom is going to give in. And I'll jokingly say something like, "Ok, but only if I can come and sleep on the floor beside her!", but I will probably mean it. They grow up and make friends, and then lose friends. They get their feelings hurt, and they hurt feelings. They are exposed to good crowds, and bad crowds. What if they, despite your best efforts, end up with the wrong crowd? And I'm told that you can't put them in a bubble to protect them from all the evil things we all see everyday on the news and social media. You just never stop worrying. This is when I feel like a good mom. Crazy, but good.

This is stuff that is always on my mind, because it is always happening. I'm having a particularly hard time with Amelia right now. Four year olds are smart, stubborn, inquisitive, hilarious, sassy, exhausting, mischievous, chatty and IN YOUR FACE. I love reading articles and blogs about other mom's thoughts/feelings on motherhood. It helps with those pangs of loneliness to know other moms are going through it too. It's funny, as much as I can say about how I want to protect them forever, I can say just as much about how ready I am for them to grow up a little and make life a little more convenient and easier for all of us. But that's for another day...